News telegraph

15 times the Telegraph’s screeching hyperbolic headlines could have been written by an unhinged AI bot

Poke Staff. Updated June 30th, 2024

Telegraph columnist Allister Heath recently grabbed people’s attention with this massive overreaction to the UK’s political situation, and it has to be seen to be belie …second thoughts, you may still not believe it.

Armageddon is upon us, and Britain will never be the same again Right-wing Britain faces meltdown, with the almost total elimination of any power over the UK’s destiny

There was much facepalming to be seen on Twitter/X.

But it isn’t the first time the Telegraph has come up with a column that looks like it might have been written by an AI chatbot programmed by Nigel Farage after a three-day bender.

Here are some of the best …by which we, of course, mean worst.

1.

Politicians have created a multicultural monster beyond control. Who gets the blame? We do The political elite are branding riots in Dublin last week as violently ‘far-Right’ – but it’s mass migration that presents the real danger

2.

Only God may have the answer to the smartphone mental health epidemic A new book exposes the link between phones and misery. So why might religion offer protection?

3.

Britain’s passive surrender to a woke minority risks everything we cherish Conservatives are losing because they, like society, have lost confidence and don’t stand up for the truth

4.

The NHS is killing us – it is an enemy of Britain Being born British should not be a death sentence but, as long as we go on believing in the National Health Service, it will be

5.

Britain still doesn’t have a clue about the scale of the disaster heading its way Starmer’s plans will entrench the worst aspects of the Blair and Brown eras, and hand power to lawyers and quangos

6.

France is not a reliable partner to the English-speaking defenders of freedom Macron only has himself to blame for what his foreign minister described as a 'stab in the back'

7.

Gangs of feral youths rule our streets. Not even Waitrose is safe

8.

Young people are too fat and woke to fight The military recruitment crisis is becoming critical. The institution cannot afford to take friendly fire

9.

Dry January is just another vehicle for Gen Z to call attention to themselves I’d rather cancel all social engagements than be seated next to a ‘fussatarian’ at dinner

10.

A crisis of masculinity imperils the foundations of the West In Britain and elsewhere, too many men and boys are being ostracised, with tragic results for both sexes

11.

Snowflake children have to learn that exams should be difficult Students are so lacking in resilience that they cry when they can't answer a question

12.

Western civilisation is being driven to oblivion by the false prophets of ‘diversity’ The woke revolutionaries reject real equality in favour of a permanent revolution against fairness and merit

13.

We are the West’s last generation before the new Dark Age begins There is no future for our civilisation if universities’ totalitarian indoctrination of the young continues

14.

A generation of young women is being driven mad by woke ideology A striking number of those committing these actions seem to be young ladies from middle-class backgrounds

15.

Britain is becoming too woke to defend itself The RAF stands accused of discriminating against white men. It makes you want to cry with shame

Of course, we should never forget this accidental homage to Stewart Lee.

"It’s virtually illegal to be English and proud English folk are more than happy to join in the great festival of Guinness-drinking every March 17. But come April 23, nothing happens"

It would be rude not to share the relevant bit.

READ MORE

The Telegraph: People should remember how good they had it under the Tories. Everyone: You’re having a laugh, mate

Image Telegraph, Telegraph