Time of the year for Starbucks to push some pumpkin-themed bullshit

Beverage News: Coffeehouse chain Starbucks have announced that it’s that time of the year again to start pushing some pumpkin-themed bullshit at their customers.

“As the nights draw in and the UK heads into autumn, it’s time for Starbucks to continue an age-old tradition,” said Ferdinand Runge, Starbucks head of brand management.

“Namely reintroducing a range of pumpkin-themed bullshit that we hope our customers buy not because they like the taste, but because they feel somehow obliged to at this time of year.”

Starbucks will offer pumpkin coffee, pumpkin pastries, cakes and cookies – while at some branches staff will happily pelt customers with pumpkin seeds.

Runge urges customers to take advantage of the pumpkin-themed bullshit now instead of waiting until later in the year.

“The pumpkin-themed bullshit won’t be around forever,” says Runge. “By November we’ll have decided that it’s Christmas and your only choice will be cinnamon-themed bullshit.”

Story: Simon Swatman