This woman who worked in the US says English people hate her “directness” – 19 culture clash responses
It’s not easy to move to a new city, in another country, with a whole other set of customs and cultural peculiarities.
Given how different the American and British temperaments and attitudes to life are, it’s not surprising that some Americans might struggle to fit in when they move to the UK (and vice verse when Brits move to the States). Though we definitely have some common ground.
Academic Arnesa Buljušmić-Kustura recently shared her thoughts about settling in the UK on the digital home of civilised, nuanced conversation these days – that is, Twitter/X.
I’ve been in the UK for a while now and honestly, I am still adjusting and learning.
In many ways, the things I was lauded for in the USA: my directness, my friendliness, my commitment, and even just being a passionate person are things I am disliked for & punished for here.
— Arnesa Buljušmić-Kustura (@Rrrrnessa) September 10, 2024
The conversation is threaded below. It’s long, but it’s a really interesting read on how someone from outside the culture interprets the British mindset.
It boils down to: in the US, Arnesa, a Bosnian national, was praised and rewarded for being direct, passionate, and a “go-getter”, but in the UK, those very same qualities make people suspicious of or even dislike her. And, because of the British aversion to confrontation and willingness to embrace change, British people seem to stagnate and become more unhappy with their situation (be it work, a relationship etc).
It’s been a really difficult pill to swallow that the sort of a “go-getter” attitude, the passion for work, the directness and even the problem solving skills that would get me promoted in the US have actively hurt my career in the UK.
— Arnesa Buljušmić-Kustura (@Rrrrnessa) September 10, 2024
It’s a bit shocking to me when I see/meet someone who has been with the same company/org and in the same position for 10-15 years here. B/c in the US, if we aren’t getting promoted we move on to the next best thing. Every couple of years.
— Arnesa Buljušmić-Kustura (@Rrrrnessa) September 10, 2024
Anyway, part of my job really is bringing in change. Process improvements and development, researching and analysis and implementing the results. It has been so much more difficult to do my job here in the UK than it ever was in the US.
— Arnesa Buljušmić-Kustura (@Rrrrnessa) September 10, 2024
And because I have been an immigrant in the USA too and because I have been an immigrant in Europe…I think I can genuinely say that being an immigrant, especially one that comes from a direct communication culture, is much easier in the USA than it is in the UK.
— Arnesa Buljušmić-Kustura (@Rrrrnessa) September 10, 2024
In order to survive and thrive in the UK, I find myself having to really push down key aspects of who I am. I have to talk in convoluted riddles b/c being “too direct” is problematic. Honesty is problematic. Passion is problematic. Wanting better is seen as a character flaw.
— Arnesa Buljušmić-Kustura (@Rrrrnessa) September 10, 2024
The UK was just found to be one of the most miserable places in the world. I think we are right after Uzbekistan. No wonder, tbh. It does not surprise me at all. But it does make me a bit sad.
— Arnesa Buljušmić-Kustura (@Rrrrnessa) September 10, 2024
Arnesa’s thread went viral, and people’s responses ranged from “hard relate” to “she’s got our number!” to “now hold on just a minute…”
1.
A very accurate thread about the UK https://t.co/aYIa1JQ8Du
— HennaThis (@HennaThis) September 10, 2024
2.
once at breakfast in a very quiet hotel in london a group of young american girls came in and went ‘hi everyone!’ to the whole room like it was the most normal thing in the world. they got about 50 of our startled pre-caffeinated british faces as a response. nobody said it back https://t.co/eBDiNSzHoY
— beth (@0mgbeth) September 13, 2024
3.
I think there’s some hard truths there. We can be negative for the sake of ti – and that’s frustrating.
You will find people a lot more open in the north-west around Liverpool and Manchester. Also, working class Londoners – “cockneys” – are friendly, too.
— Anthony Teasdale (@AnthonyTeasdale) September 11, 2024
4.
I think our absolute obsession with /deference to the Royals is a big factor too. The idea that some people are inherently Better/more worthy than others by accident of birth is endemic in British (mostly English tbh) culture. And it’s echoed in the class system, education etc
— Barbarian Chucklefuck ❤️️️⚧️ (@emceebeere) September 11, 2024
5.
The famous British greeting goes thus: “Take it easy, mate.”
That greeting summarises the British way of life. Live life simply. You work too hard, the tax man is gonna remind you of the need to take it easy. British lifestyle is all about not acquiring more than necessary.
— Akanni’ade (@uthmanjoe) September 11, 2024
6.
Literally cannot win here. I have been told that my passion for work is “unnerving”, that I do “too much”, that I am “too passionate”, that I am “too domineering” in my own meetings, even things like “oh you dominate conversations in meetings” & it’s just me contributing 2 words
— Arnesa Buljušmić-Kustura (@Rrrrnessa) September 10, 2024
7.
They have a saying in Japanese: the nail that sticks out gets hammered down. We don’t have that saying in the UK, but we should. Definitely a lot of island-mentality similarities.
— Natalie (@Natalie_in_HH) September 10, 2024
8.
not a brit, or an american, but i also wonder if the weather has something to do with it
why be more cheery when even the weather is against you that whole island is at it including the skies
— lynn (@dancingbulls) September 11, 2024