Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
Welcome to a world in which Donald Trump is Time’s Person of the Year (again), Kemi Badenoch says sandwiches aren’t real food, and orcas are once again wearing dead salmon as hats. Nobody can say that it isn’t interesting.
What’s also interesting is how busy the funny people of Twitter have been this week. We’ve gathered 25 favourite posts for your entertainment.
We hope you’ll find someone new to follow.
1.
Why are gifts for men so shit? It’s either whisky stones or 3 fish heads nailed to a wooden leg x
— Buckers (@deathofbuckley) December 7, 2024
2.
I said the word “floppy disk” the other day and a nearby teenager burst into flames
— Bird Eckler (@Birdeckler) December 7, 2024
3.
wife: what are you thinking about
guy who invented coffee: what if we pick the fruit off this plant, remove the seeds, roast them on a stove, let them cool off, grind them up into a near powder, pour boiling hot water over them, and then drink it
— the pan-midwesterner (@panmidwest) December 9, 2024
4.
"An good way to learn German is to try reading children's books to familiarise yourself with basic grammar and vocabulary"
German children's book: pic.twitter.com/GENRnrL0vw
— Nic Houghton (@40PercentGerman) December 10, 2024
5.
Your big coat’s pockets are just travel versions of the “random tat” drawer in the kitchen.
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) December 9, 2024
6.
In an ideal world the President of the United States and the worst person in the world would be two different people.
— TheTweetOfGod (a/k/a TheSkeetOfGod) (@TheTweetOfGod) December 11, 2024
7.
Trust my gut? The thing that makes weird gurgling noises immediately when a work meeting goes quiet.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) December 11, 2024
8.
In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still fucking mad about it.
— Noturprettyface (@Bootyfuluni) December 8, 2024
9.
Me: Can I leave work early?
Boss: Only if you make up the time
Me: Ok, It's 45 past 60
— Weekday Jokes (@weekdayjokes) December 11, 2024
10.
For an extra ten bucks Lyft will pick you up in a black SUV but I'll go as high as $30 if I can ride to work in a taco truck.
— Warren G. Harding in Retrograde (@PopeAwesomeXIII) December 8, 2024
11.
Pro Tip: If you order two drinks at McDonald's, they'll think you're sharing all that food with another person.
— Goddammit, Jamie (@Jay_FrickinLynn) December 11, 2024
12.
Might fuck around and reply "history will absolve me" to all work emails.
— Granite Man (@GraniteDhuine) December 11, 2024