Nine-Year-Old Sweatshop Worker Picked To Run China

World News: After an an intense power struggle, China’s Communist Party has selected a nine-year-old boy to run the country for the next ten years.

The Communist Party has met at its National Congress to select the new leader who will take over from outgoing President Hu Jintao.

The controversial decision to select nine-year-old Zhang Wei came after a drawn out battle between Maoist hardliners and reformers keen that the next leader should be ‘100% free of corruption’.

“Zhang Wei is supremely qualified to lead China into the next generation,” said CCP spokesman Li Huang.

“He already has great experience in international trade relations – he used to work six day weeks making the official toys of the Olympic mascots Wenlock and Mandeville.”

“He is also very familiar with modern technology, from his time spent making iPhones at the Foxconn plant for £180 a month. It also goes without saying that Zhang Wei is incredibly hard working and cheap. So very, very cheap.”

Story: Simon Swatman