China To Export ‘Cheap, Affordable Pollution’ To Glasgow

Environment News: China has pledged to export its record breaking smog to Glasgow, the most polluted city in the UK.

Unprecedented levels of toxic smog in Beijing have forced Chinese officials to take steps to deal with the situation in the way they know best – through foreign exports. “Glasgow has previously shown a strong appetite for pollution,” said a spokesman for the State Council of the People’s Republic of China.

“And in the true spirit of free trade we will supply them with as much of our bad air as possible – vastly undercutting locally produced pollution and making it an affordable product for all the smog-hungry citizens of the Dear Green Place.”

“Why doesn’t David Cameron pass a law to support and protect Scottish producers from foreign imports?” said Gordon McCabe, who owns a giant furnace that burns plastic for no apparent reason.

“There’s no way I’ll be able to compete in either price or quantity with all this cheap Chinese smog that will be flooding the market. It’s outrageous.”

Story: Simon Swatman