‘Help To Buy’ Housing Scheme To Be Extended To Pints

Booze News: The chancellor’s flagship Help to Buy scheme to boost the housing market will be expanded to include alcohol bought in pubs, the government has said.

“Help To Buy has given the housing market a fantastic kickstart and now we it does the same with pubs,’ said Taylor Tankard of the British Beer and Pub Association.

“With a pint costing around five pounds in many pubs, guzzling down a delicious glass of cold fizzy lager is now financially out of reach for many people. We hope to change that and get the nation heavily drinking again.”

Under the ‘Help To Drink’ scheme, borrowers need to raise a deposit of 5% of the value of the booze they want and can borrow a further 20% from the government. The government-backed loan must then be repaid before they die of liver failure or pass out in the toilets.

“It’s a good start, but it’s not enough,” said a spokesman for one pub lobbying group. “Crisps and snacks are also astronomically expensive in pubs – we hope the chancellor expands this plan to include Scampi Fries.”