Nick Clegg Substituted By Pork Pie In Cabinet Meeting

Coalition News: Downing Street has confirmed that deputy leader Nick Clegg was replaced by a small pork pie at a recent cabinet meeting.

The exact circumstances behind the replacement have not been confirmed, but it’s widely speculated that David Cameron asked Nick Clegg to temporarily step down from the meetings in order to ‘revitalise policy discussion with some traditional English values’.

Insiders says the meeting was not without tension – Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt declared that the pork pie was in fact a quiche, which was was later overruled by the High Court and his classification was deemed ‘unlawful’.

It’s also said Home Secretary Theresa May questioned the pork pie’s immigration status and repeatedly tried to have it deported, without success.

“The representative from Melton Mowbray brought a welcome breath of fresh air to a recent cabinet meeting,” said one anonymous Downing Street insider. “It gave considerable insight into foreign and domestic policy – as well as a foolproof, fuss-free hot-water crust pastry recipe.”