Dog Fart Sabotages Dinner Party

Saturday Night News: An otherwise successful dinner party was derailed this weekend by an unacknowledged dog fart by the hosts’ labrador, Molly.

Jane and Paul Gordon were bonding with new neighbours the McKirks until conversation about the Winter Olympics stalled, stuttered and then petered out completely after a stunning fart from the Gordon’s family dog, lying unseen beneath the dining table.

“I didn’t know the dog was there so I just assumed it was one of theirs,” said Rachel McKirk.

“I tried not to notice but it honestly smelt as though Eric Pickles had just taken a dump up my nose. I couldn’t think, let alone speak.”

The Gordons, however, recognised the smell right away. “Molly’s very old and almost blind,” said Jane Gordon. “As soon as it happened I should have said something but then I didn’t and the longer I left it, the more difficult it became to say something. I thought if I blamed the dog they would think I was lying and that it was one of mine.”

The McKirks declined pudding and coffee, leaving for the fresh air as soon as possible.

“It was the lack of acknowledgement that gets me,” said Stephen McKirk. “The stench was one thing. The damp, swamp-like consistency of their social etiquette quite another.”